Demented!

I can’t even begin to understand the madness that I am going through. But who says you have to understand it to go through it. There are a lot of things that doesn’t make sense, after all “Life doesn’t make sense” at all. Things are so complicated right now. I have never been confused in my entire life. I wanted to get away from it all. Go far away and soul search and maybe find myself again. It’s just not possible right now. I have done it again. But you cannot hide from yourself. Sometimes you just have to face it and even have to “suck it up”. Just go through the pain and maybe then I would understand. You just don’t know how difficult this is for me. It does hurt physically and to be honest, I do cry when I am alone.

I used to think that there is such thing as “lasting love” but now, I think I am disappointed. After a few years things change, even myself change. And maybe I am disappointed with myself. It’s not that it’s my fault. Things happen and it’s beyond my control. And all I can do is look in the eyes and say nothing. But deep inside I want to scream at the top of my lungs and let it out. ” This could not be hapenning to me” but it is and I guess I just have to go through it and no matter how long it lasts, it will always make me a better person. While in the middle of it, I find it very difficult because what I feel go against my moral beliefs. And I hate that it keeps hapenning to me. Sometimes, I do question why it keeps hapenning to me. And when I contemplate it does prepare me for an outlook of the future. Sort of prepares me for the possibilities in the future, the changes that may occur and it does give me a glimpse of what I should do when it does happen. I have heard of other people who have gone through changes in relationships, in marriage for example when suddenly the other person is no longer in love with the other person. What do you do when that time comes? I know those are difficult times. Sometimes I joke about it by saying ” Forget about me and have a good life.” But do I really wish this upon myself. It’s crazy. But I still think that life’s gonna be okey. Life’s still good, I’m optimistic about it.

As soon as I came up to the surface to breath some air, a heavy weight pushed me back down into the abyss. I am talking about matters of the heart. It’s such a dilemna . I don’t know why it keeps happening to me. As soon as it fades I would miss it. It’s almost like a drug, the feeling of pain though,it’s pain gives me a feeling of high. You know how at first it hurts then as it goes longer you suddenly feel numb. That’s how I feel sometimes and when I feel numb I almost float in the air. Feeling nothing, I float and people around me seems invisible and sounds just shut off. Crazy huh. It’s so frustrating to have someone so close, so close by and yet so far away. Then to make things worst, it’s not only one person but two or three people are involved. Can one person love three people at the same time?Maybe not at the same time, but I mean that many? Well, I guess people can love a lot of people in their lifetime, but not possible to do it all at once at the same time. That makes things so complicated and so confusing. One moment you would be thinking of one person and the next minute you would be thinking of another one. How crazy is that. Sometimes, I wish I could merge all three people in just one and have that one person. The thing with this situation is that you either have to choose one or loose them all. It’s a complicated and delicate matter. Often times I would be screaming to myself “this can’t be happenning to me.” But then again, all I can do is to do nothing. That’s right “do nothing ” until everything settles down. It’s just probably infatuation. Always look and hope for the lasting ones, not the temporary. I’m too old to be having these teenage puppy loves. Or maybe I am just missing the dating stages. I haven’t done that much when I was younger. I was uptight and strict with myself then.

To lobster or not?

Do you think the lobsters hurt when they are boiled alive?

Some activists claim that they hurt and we should try to choose a vegetarian alternative instead of lobsters. And why is lobster being singled out?

According to people who does the boiling say that, they single out lobsters because it’s one of the foods that we see moving, alive.

So, should people not eat lobsters? I guess it’s all up to you. I am a seafood lover and I love lobsters.

Now, it seems to be a question of being inhumane, boiling a live animal in boiling water. It’s because meats and other kinds of foods are already cleaned out and frozen. People here don’t butcher their own chicken, and very rare people would clean their own seafood. So, now I am wondering what would they think of other cultures that really butcher their own chicken and pigs and other animals, I mean live animals. Would these practices considered inhumane?

Growing back in the Philippines, I would sometimes help my dad butcher a native chicken for dinner and never did I thought it’s inhumane because it’s food. And mind you, the newly butchered chicken tastes ten times better than the frozen chicken breasts, legs or wings or other parts we buy at the grocery store. I don’t know, in America where people do not normally see animals being butchered, I guess people may consider that inhumane.

So, if you love lobsters, would you give up eating lobsters?

Hello world!